I’d choose Mary Berry in the hope that she’d pack a banoffi pie and some other snacks for the road. Also, I think we could play some fun innuendo car games if we get her talking about cooking techniques. Soggy bottoms for 10 points! I’d also pick Robert Langdon from Dan Brown’s books so that I could soak up a bit of culture along the way and find out the meaning behind any architecture and historical landmarks we see. I’m not very good at planning where to go on holiday so hopefully he would know the best places to stop and do some sight-seeing. I love Karl Pilkington, he’s such a lovable idiot that I’d want to take him along just to see what mischief he can cause. Although I can’t see him getting on particularly well with Robert. Mary might have to step in if there’s any arguments in the back. And lastly I would pick The Gruffalo. He’s big and strong enough to scare off any weird hitchhikers or petrol station staff we come across, but he’s also very simple and honest and I think we could probably set the world to right after a few hours stuck in traffic.
Mr. Gatsby, Bridget Jones, Martina Cole and Joey Essex. Mr. Gatsby because he should be able to get us into some amazing parties along the way and hopefully bring a bit of class to the car (sinister obsessions aside). I’m hoping his presence would be enough of an excuse to dress up in some 1920’s outfits too. Bridget Jones because she’s so down to earth and likeable, I’d just quite like to meet her. Watching her get into embarrassing situations on the trip would probably make me feel a bit better about my own clumsy self as well. Martina Cole because I’d love to pick her brain and hear about how she comes up with her storylines. It’d be nice to have someone that won’t take any nonsense in the car too as the rest of us are going to be more than useless in a crisis. And then just so I don’t feel like the slowest person in the car, I’d go with Joey Essex. He’d probably provide a lot of the quotes for when I tell people about the trip in the pub afterwards too.
Andy Murray would be number one so that I can hear more about his life and career. I’ve always wondered what could have happened if I’d kept up my tennis lessons when I was younger, so it’d be great to hear how he did it. I can think of nothing better than being cooped up in a car with George RR Martin for hours on end so that I could grill him on what’s going to happen next in Game of Thrones. I’d love to hear what he actually thinks of the TV series too, it deviates more and more from the book with every season. So he would be number two. In third spot I’d have Alex Ferguson so that I could find out what he really thinks about Manchester United’s performance last season. This road trip is turning into a mobile interview, but at least it wouldn’t be boring. And then in fourth spot, I’d have Nigella Lawson to feed us after all that talking. Her Guinness gingerbread is nothing short of genius.
I’m going to take a pragmatic approach to this one, seeing as I’m not entirely sure what this road trip will involve. Firstly I’d take Ray Mears so that if things went drastically wrong and we ended up in the wilderness I’d survive. I expect he’d be good with directions too. I’d also take Guy Martin. If we’re going to be on the road for a long time then I want someone with me who knows what he’s doing in an emergency. He’s probably going to be a safe choice for changing tyres, and taking it in turns driving as well. Then I’d have Jack Reacher so that we’ve got someone strong and tough with us. Like I said, I’m not sure what this road trip will involve and I’d rather be safe than sorry. And lastly I’d have Dr. Christian Jessen in case I get injured watching Guy Martin change a tyre or whilst waiting for Ray to finish tracking the local wildlife.
I’d take Moby Dick. I hate road trips and hopefully the time spent trying to fit a white whale in the car would delay us to the point where we’d end up not going.
Ask a stupid question you can expect a stupid answer…
Take a look at our video interview with Jojo Moyes to hear more about the heart-warming characters in her latest book The One Plus One, as well as her own road trip story which, in her own words, was “completely insane”.
Let us know which characters you’d take on your fantasy road trip in the comments section below.