Watch Tom’s Bedtime Story:
Clarice Bean, Utterly Me – Lauren Child
Clarice Bean loves reading the adventures of Ruby Redfort, ace girl detective and secret undercover agent. Ruby is always going on exciting missions. Whilst all Clarice gets to do is go to the local shop on her own. But when Clarice and her best friend, Betty Moody, decide to do their school project on the Ruby Redfort books, they suddenly start finding mysteries everywhere.
Read Tom’s Review:
This book is UTTERLY brilliant. Clarice is such a great character that you’ll feel like you know instantly. The way the story within a story of Ruby Redfort – the secret detective, weaves in and out, mirroring Clarice’s life is amazing and the illustrations will feel familiar to anyone who read Charlie and Lola.
Favourite quote:
She is utterly, absolutely never not ever late for class. Except very rarely.

Read an Extract from Clarice Bean, Utterly Me:
Friday
This is me, Clarice Bean.
I am not an only child, but I sometimes wish I was.
My family is six people, which is sometimes
too many.
Not always, just sometimes.
Mainly my dad is mostly in an office answering the phone and going, “I can’t talk now, I’m up to my ears in it.”


Mum is always gribbling about pants on the
floor and shoes on the sofa.
She says, “This house doesn’t clean itself you
know.
Who do you think does everything around
here?
Mr Nobody?
I don’t get paid to pick up your smelly socks!
If I did I’d be a rich woman.” etc etc non-non-stop.
I am the third oldest and I think it would have
been a good idea if I was the youngest too.
I am not quite sure why my mum and dad wanted
to have more children after me.
They don’t need another one and it’s a shame
because he is spoiling it for everyone else.
He is called Minal Cricket and he tends to be
utterly a nuisance.
He is non-stop whining and
causing other people to get
themselves in trouble.


You might think
it would be a
relief to come to school,
but if you do,
then obviously you don’t know
some of the people in my class.
Naming no names,
i.e. Grace Grapello,
what a show-off.
Sometimes I stare boredly into space,
thinking utterly of
nothing.
This makes Mrs Wilberton very irritated.
I get on her nerves.
I know this because she is always telling me I do.
To be honest, Mrs Wilberton is not my favourite
person on the planet of Earth.
Unfortunately, I am from Earth and she is my
teacher.
Mrs Wilberton says I have got utterly not a speck
of concentration.
I am trying to prove her wrong about this by
trying to remember to concentrate.
I think about it all the time. I am so desperately
trying not to not concentrate and I say to myself,
‘Don’t drift off like you did yesterday.’
And then I start thinking about how I drifted
off yesterday and how I was thinking I must
listen to Mrs Wilberton and all the things she
is telling me.
And then I am wondering,
how does all this stuff she is telling me fit into my head?
And then I am wondering if I should have a clear out
of the stuff I don’t need anymore –
you know,
like when my dad cleared out the attic,
except we all decided
we needed
everything
and he just had to put it all back again.
But maybe valuable space is being taken up in my head
with not the important things and
that
is why
I can’t
c o n c e n t r a t e
because all my concentration space
has been used up
on things like,
‘Elbows off the table,’
and,
‘Don’t pinch your brother,’
and
pointless
not needed
things
which
don’t matter.


It’s Mrs Wilberton.
You
can
tell
by
her
honking
goose
voice.
She says,
“Clarice Bean,
you are utterly lacking in the
concentration department.
A common housefly has got
more ability to apply itself!”
And I want to say,
“You are utterly lacking in the
manners department, Mrs Wilberton,
and a rhinoceros has got more
politeness than you.”
But I don’t say it because Mrs Wilberton is
allowed to say rude things about me and I am
not allowed to say them back.
That is the rules of school.
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