Exclusive! Jim Smith Interviews Barry Loser

Exclusive! Jim Smith Interviews Barry Loser

Jim: Hi Barry, thanks for talking to me.

Barry: No problemo.

Jim: We’re talking at the end of the summer holidays. Have you enjoyed yours?

Barry: Yeah, they’ve been keel!

Jim: ‘Keel’? What does that mean?

Barry: It’s what Future Ratboy says when he wants to say ‘cool’. Future Ratboy is my favourite TV show!

Jim: That’s weird, because I used to say ‘keel’ when I was a kid. I thought it sounded like the way Americans said “cool”.

Barry: Sounds like we’ve got a few things in common.

Jim: Hopefully not nose size. No offence.

Barry: Loads taken.

Jim: So you’ve got quite a few books out now, haven’t you.

Barry: Oh no, you’re one of those people who starts sentences with the word ‘so’.

Jim: So what?

Barry: So it’s annoying. Just cut the so out and get on with it.

Jim: You’re much grumpier in real life than in your books!

Barry: What are you like in real life?

Jim: Really really nice.

Barry: Anyway, about my books. Yeah, I’ve just finished writing number nine. Plus there are three Future Ratboy books too. They’re sort of spin-offs of my Barry Loser ones.

Jim: Hang on a millikeels, shouldn’t I be the one talking about writing books?

Barry: Oh yeah, you write them don’t you. I’m just in them!

Jim: Tell me about your best friend, Bunky.

Barry: He’s an idiot.

Jim: Careful, he’s based on my best friend from when I was a kid. His name was Ben and he’d come round my house every day in the summer holidays. Usually before I’d even woken up.

Barry: Just like Bunky! How does Ben look now, so I can imagine what Bunky’s going to turn into.

Jim: Not good.

Barry: What’s he like?

Jim: An idiot.

Barry: So who am I based on then?

Jim: You just did that ‘so’ thing. You’re based on me, by the way. I didn’t have as big a nose as you though. No offense.

Barry: Once again, loads taken. Hey, I just thought of something. Your second name is ‘Smith’. Does that mean you own WHSmith?

Jim: No, I get that question a lot though. I know ‘Smith’ is a rare name, but I don’t actually own WHSmith. I also don’t own Smith’s Crisps.

Barry: Shame, I love WHSmith. They sell my books, you know.

Jim: I know! Did you also know that my kid’s initials are WH, So his whole name is WHSmith!

Barry: Are you planning any more books about me?

Jim: Yeah, the next one I’m writing is all about football.

Barry: But I’m rubbish at football!

Jim: Me too!

Barry: I’m really enjoying this chat, but my mum’s calling upstairs. Apparently it’s ‘dinner’, whatever that is?

Jim: Dinner? That’s the meal you eat in the evening. You’ve never heard of dinner?

Barry: Just joking around with you.

Jim: This is so fun!

Barry: One last question: do you have any ideas for other books?

Jim: Yes, I’ve got this idea for a new kids’ book about a WHSmith cashier called Brenda who chops up customers and makes them into Bolognese sauce.

Barry: Yeah, not sure WHSmith are gonna go for that one.

Jim: Let’s see. What’s for dinner anyway?

Barry: Spag bol. Thanks for ruining it.