Brian Blessed Reads an Extract from Absolute Pandemonium by Brian Blessed

Brian Blessed Reads an Extract from Absolute Pandemonium by Brian Blessed

It is now over twenty-two years since I last wrote about anything other than mountaineering or exploring. Twenty-two years! But this book is going to take you from my childhood in Goldthorpe to Z Cars, Flash Gordon, Star Wars and much more. There will be adversity to overcome, punches thrown and even a love story. Yes, I am ready to burst forth once more and share with you some of my favourite stories and memories. Mark my words, though, this is no ordinary book, and is different to anything I’ve written before.

My previous five tomes, all of which I am tremendously proud, came from my head, if you see what I mean. I sat there for months on end and I thought and I wrote and I thought and I wrote. But this is something far more spontaneous. It is a conversation piece, if you will – which is why I must ask a favour of you. You must read the book with my voice in mind, as if I were there with you. This is very important.

You see, this is Brian Blessed speaking to you, not Stephen sexy gorgeous Fry! Try and imagine this, I beg you: try and imagine I am sitting in a huge armchair and I am reading this to you and you only. I want to leap out of the pages at you! Not literally, of course. I mean, where on earth would you keep me? I’m quite a size.

The book does get a little bit racy at times, and you will find one or two naughty words along the way, but I promise you it’s all there for a reason, alright? You see, when I think, I don’t swear, which is why all my previous books are relatively clean; but when I talk, I do. It’s just something that happens!

It was suggested that I might wish to remove some of the more colourful language…but then it would no longer be my book, would it? It’d be more Thora Hird than Brian Blessed, and that would never do. But mark my words, dear reader, I do not swear for the sake of swearing. Oh no. When I swear, I BLOODY WELL MEAN TO SWEAR! (Did you imagine me shouting just then? You see, you’re getting it.) Anyway, if you can get over the blue language, we’ll get along just fine. Forewarned is forearmed and all that.

So, are you excited? I hope you are! This book is all about fun and adventure. It’s a romp! There are some sombre moments, but I flatter myself that I can give even the saddest event a whimsical edge. I am an optimist, you see. A HUGE great bearded smiley optimist with a sunny disposition and ‘can do’ attitude, and that’s what I try to get across in this book. Whatever you want to do in life, just go for it! Grab it by the scruff of the neck and shake the bugger until you’re there.

Anyway, I think it’s time we cracked on, don’t you?

Remember, think Blessed!