Book of the Month: A Short Story from Radio Boy by Christian O’Connell

Book of the Month: A Short Story from Radio Boy by Christian O’Connell

Hi,

My name is Spike Hughes, but it is also Radio Boy.

I do a radio show from my dad’s garden shed. Radio Boy was my secret identity until my Headmaster (Fish Face to you and I) went crazy and started a manhunt to try and find me. All of this is detailed in my book, cleverly titled, Radio Boy. Which you can buy.

You can send me an email to the address in the book, radioboy@radioboy.co.uk. People have been doing this and I reply. They ask all sorts of questions; here are some of my favourites:

Hi Radio Boy,

Thanks for putting your story down in the book. What are you up to now?

Condolences,

I get asked this question most. ‘What am I up to now?’. The life of an 11-year-old is pretty boring.

Patrick

I get asked this question most. ‘What am I up to now?’. The life of an 11-year-old is pretty boring. As I’m doing my maths homework right now, I’ll do my life as an equation:

Sleep, school, homework x 1,000 +

arguing with my older sister Amber +

my Mum trying to get my to join a new after school club +

my dad not being able to understand my homework +

my headmaster trying to ruin my life at school +

the headmaster’s son trying to ruin my life at school +

walking my dog Sherlock

= my boring life.

That’s why doing The Secret Shed Show is the highlight of my week. I go into the shed, with all its resident spiders and cobwebs with my two best friends Artie and Holly, and we try to make sense of our lives. You can take part too by calling in, or emailing. I don’t think there is any other radio show like this in the whole wide world that’s made by kids for kids.

So, Patrick. I hope that answers your question.

By the way Patrick, you ended your email to me:

‘Condolences,

Patrick’

I’ll tell you what I don’t watch. America’s Next Top Model, which my mum and sister love. BORING. What a dull TV show about finding out who is the best at standing in front of a camera posing for photos.

I just asked my dad about this and he said that’s what you put when someone has died. Can I say right now for the record: I’m not dead. Just to avoid any confusion. I also hope that you haven’t sent an email to someone who has just lost a loved one and signed off with ‘Congratulations on your great news’.

On to our next email:

Hi Radio Boy or should I say SPIKE HUGHES,

I really liked your book. You have an irritating older sister, I have an irritating older brother. What can I do?

Jon

Well, Jon. There isn’t much to do. If there really is a hell then I guess it’s just full of older brothers and sisters messing with your stuff and being mean. The only things you can do are the basics: such as, GUARD ALL YOUR STUFF. In an ideal world my bedroom would be in one of those bank vaults you see in films. That way there is no way my sister could come in. I tried to train my dog Sherlock to bark every time he sees her, like an early warning system, but that didn’t work for long. He did it a few times then my sister worked out he could easily be bribed with some ham. Great: I own the worlds worst guard dog.

Radio Boy,

I’m 12 years of age. In your book you say everyone at school has a ‘nemesis’. What’s that?

Emma

Good question. It’s that person who just is a pain and always getting in the way of what you are trying to do. They try and steal your friends. Make stupid comments on anything you say in class. They are your enemy. They never say they are, or do anything really bad that would get them in trouble; they are way too smart for that. My dad says that throughout life you will meet these people. He has one at his work, at the supermarket he runs. Though I doubt very much my dad’s Area Manager ever tried to give him a wedgie whilst getting ready for PE.

Hi Spike,

Like you, I want to be a radio DJ. How do you come up the ideas?

Lee

Good luck Lee. I carry around a little notebook and when I get an idea I write it down. At the moment my notebook looks like this:

DOES YOUR PET LOOK LIKE A CELEBRITY?*

WAS THE ODDEST THING YOUR PARENTS MADE YOU DO?**

CAN YOU DO AN IMPRESSION OF SOMEBODY?

*My dog Sherlock looks like Justin Bieber. A bit. Mainly just the eyes.

**I thought of this after my mum made me go round to our neighbours’ house to ask to borrow some sugar, just so I could see what their brand new kitchen was like and report back to my jealous mum. In case you’re wondering, it was a really cool new kitchen. This news ruined my mum’s day.

Radio Boy - Christian O'Connell
 

Hi Spike,

What TV shows do you watch?

I’ll tell you what I don’t watch. America’s Next Top Model, which my mum and sister love. BORING. What a dull TV show about finding out who is the best at standing in front of a camera posing for photos. If it was America’s Next Top Ninja or America’s Next Top Burger then I’d be interested. My dad loves falling asleep in front of Planet Earth, which has that famous old man narrating it who sounds like he’d be the best Grandad in the world. He talks in a half whisper on the show and I wonder if he always talks like that, commentating on his own life as he goes about his day.

“Here… on the toilet… young humans, children as they are called, sit and play candy crush without their parents knowing.. .but there is always danger… that the toilet roll could run out”.

This last question is a big one and took so much time to think over before answering.

Hi,

I loved your book. What’s your favourite flavour of Pringles?

Wow. So many flavours to pick from. BBQ, Cheddar Cheese, Salt and Vinegar, Sour Cream and Onion and Original. Right away throw out salt and vinegar, only a monster would enjoy those. For me it’s between BBQ and Sour Cream. It’s like choosing between two best friends. Impossible.